Emotional Bankruptcy~~Eclipse of the Heart~~How to Recover

Have you ever declared emotional bankruptcy?

Have you ever known someone whose cynicism caused them to claim total eclipse of the heart?

Without a doubt, we can crash our heart on life’s curves, and repairs can take some time, but to become permanently emotionally unavailable, to proclaim, “I’m broke,” or “I’m broken,” deprives us of opportunities to experience love in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, from the most unexpected sources~~that may be just the “deposit of love” that our broken hearts needed to get back in the black.

With your patience, I’d like to offer this autobiographical situation as an illustration:

A few months ago, while driving my car through an intersection, another driver ignored the traffic signals and drover right into me, causing my neck to whip right and then left, bashing the left side of my head on my car’s door frame.  A concussion resulted, effecting my hard earned mathmatical skills and my lifetime of musicianship.  Soon after the accident, I discovered that I could no longer perform simple math, much less advanced algebra.  An even more devastating moment occured when I sat down at the piano to read a new piece of music and found that music was now a foreign language to me.  When I tried to execute compositions I had been playing for longer than memory served–that my fingers had known on their own, I learned that even the memory of my fingers had been damaged.  Music had been ninety percent of my life since I was a toddler, and my livelihood since age twelve.

While I couldn’t expect to make my living as a musician for a while, I turned to other skills for income and began lovingly retraining my brain.  At first, crosswords were like Greek to me but I conistently applied myself to working them in order to cause my mental synapses to fire; everyday, I turned my attention to redeveloping my musical abilities, whether it was singing, playing the piano, or playing the marimba; everyday, I apply new patience to working out mathmatical problems, and find creative ways of enticing both hemispheres of my brain to remember, to use unused cells, and develop new neuro-pathways. [for more on how the brain works, read Jill Bolte Taylor's book, Stroke of Insight. www.mystrokeofinsight.com]

My result thusfar, of not declaring musical bankruptcy or wallowing in despair over losing a lifetime of personal and financial investment?  In the process of renewing my musical abilities, hiking and climbing have provided strength and coordination; in learning to ride and care for horses–I’ve developed relationships with these creatures who always daunted me before; writing and blogging provide hours of entertainment, pleasure and income; nature has revitalized my senses and my joy; AND I’ve developed the ability to accompany my singing on the marimba!  A small trio wanting to be a quartet heard my voice and invited me to join their ranks.  Needing some way to learn the music, I picked up my mallets and began picking out the tune and in a few days, I was singing and playing a simple melody.  While no one would pay to hear me, this progress is priceless to me and I’ve found a group of musicians that I actually add to!

How much I’ll ever regain?  Unknown.  How much I’ve gained?  Immeasurable.  How much is yet to come?  Infinite possibilities. 

If I had declared myself musically broke or broken, I would have deprived myself of untold opportunities to experience love, music, life, people, nature, animals and even myself in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, in the most unexpected ways~~that were just the “deposit” that my broken heart and life needed to get back in the black.  Instead of getting smaller, my life is greatly enlarged.

No deposits, no withdrawals can be made on an account that’s been closed.~~A.

A spoon never tastes the soup…and we can miss out on tasting life if we don’t become porous…[Dr. Jim Rigby in http://itsawonderfulife.wordpress.com As Great As We Are...God Loves Other People Too!]

When we’re broken, to declare “bankruptcy” closes our account.  While no withdrawals can be made, neither can deposits be applied or interest earned.  Being broken calls us to enormous courage that begins simply, with the willingness to have courage…to take the very next breath, the very next thought and the very next step. {for more on willingness, read Carol Creel’s stories at www.lifeworks-marketing.com] 

If you’re a soul feeling broken beyond repair, I hope that in this, you find the encouragement to be willing to keep some little part of your empty, broken heart open to being repaired and refilled.  Especially when you feel that you have nothing to give, find something that you can give, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, knowing that in your willingness, in your giving, you’ll find the courage and you’ll find the gift.~~Ashtora, 2008

[for more on hope and healing read Anna Miller's book, Mania.  Madness. Miracles. www.thedepressionproject.com]

[for more on love and wisdom, listen to Dr. Jim Rigby's podcasts from www.staopen.com]

[for more on where I reconnected with nature and horses, visit www.lakeroberts.com]

“Madness. Mania. Miracles.” by Anna Miller and Ann Marie Malden

       

 “Madness.  Mania.  Miracles.” by Anna Miller and Ann Marie Malden

 

Join in the conversation! Download your FREE copy of Madness, Mania and Miracles:  Meet Yourself in the Middle!   Visit www.thedepressionproject.com to learn more and to get your FREE download of the e-book.  In the coming weeks a paperback version and audio version of the book will become available as well.

 

 

 

 Here I come, with EXCITEMENT, to introduce to you, ANNA MILLER, author of the latest and the greatest word on bipolar disorder.  Anna Miller, one of the most thrilling, loving, dynamic people you could ever hope to meet, collaborated with her mother, Ann Marie Malden, to chronicle their story of what they label,

 

 

 

 

The Journey Through Madness;

My Journey To Wellness; and Finally, Reflecting on Mental Illness 

 

Every word written with love, compassion and the keenest of insight, this is truly      

 

 

 

 

A story of hope, inspiration, and possibility for full recovery from Bipolar, Depression and Anxiety

 

 

 

and is a book

dedicated to Every person and family who is suffering, or who has suffered from depression, bipolar or anxiety. May your road to wellness be swift and complete. –Anna Miller and Ann Marie Malden

Anna, my friend, you are truly the most joyous of the most joyous.  Thanks to you and to your mother for the tremendous love and courage it took to write this brilliant story–the blueprint for building the highways and byways leading out of depression and despair into hope and power to live our lives joyously!  Love, Ashtora

An excerpt from her introduction follows:

 

 

 

“The Mind is its own place,

and in itself can make a heaven of hell

and a hell of a heaven.” 

 

 

 John Milton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Yourself in the Middle Even if you are not personally affected by depression, bipolar, or anxiety, you will likely discover a little piece of yourself in my story. Much of what I cover throughout my narrative is universal and impacts all people in today’s modern world. I’ve thrown in a little humor along the way to ease the burden of seriousness shrouding the topic of mental illness.My mother and I co-authored Meet Yourself in the Middle, the result of which is a story told from two very different points of view: 1) My viewpoint from inside my Bipolar nightmare – a personal account of what it’s like to live with depression and mania. 2) My mother’s perspective of watching me, her only daughter, decline into Bipolar disorder, and my associated suffering.

WADO–Cherokee for Gratitude

Life continually beckons us to consciousness, to awareness of the allness within.  We are no thing, we are all things.  Welcome Being.  Wado.–Ashtora 2008

LOVE IS NOT. . .

Thoughts from Ashtora on LOVE:  Love is not about what you can do for me or what I can do for you. Love is not about what we have or have not in common. It is not about what we have or don’t have. It is not about independence or our accomplishments, individual or collective. Love is not about earning or proving anything.

Love is about who we are. Love is the willingness to be with each other. Love is about our mutual ability to allow the other into our lives; and also, to allow ourselves to be vulnerably open to one another. If I cannot allow you into my life, cannot allow myself to welcome and need (at least sometimes) your strength, your weakness, your love and all that comes with who you are, I cannot love you; and in the end, you cannot love me.

Ashtora, March 2008

Thoughts from Albert Einstein on LOVE:  A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.