Emotional Bankruptcy~~Eclipse of the Heart~~How to Recover

Have you ever declared emotional bankruptcy?

Have you ever known someone whose cynicism caused them to claim total eclipse of the heart?

Without a doubt, we can crash our heart on life’s curves, and repairs can take some time, but to become permanently emotionally unavailable, to proclaim, “I’m broke,” or “I’m broken,” deprives us of opportunities to experience love in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, from the most unexpected sources~~that may be just the “deposit of love” that our broken hearts needed to get back in the black.

With your patience, I’d like to offer this autobiographical situation as an illustration:

A few months ago, while driving my car through an intersection, another driver ignored the traffic signals and drover right into me, causing my neck to whip right and then left, bashing the left side of my head on my car’s door frame.  A concussion resulted, effecting my hard earned mathmatical skills and my lifetime of musicianship.  Soon after the accident, I discovered that I could no longer perform simple math, much less advanced algebra.  An even more devastating moment occured when I sat down at the piano to read a new piece of music and found that music was now a foreign language to me.  When I tried to execute compositions I had been playing for longer than memory served–that my fingers had known on their own, I learned that even the memory of my fingers had been damaged.  Music had been ninety percent of my life since I was a toddler, and my livelihood since age twelve.

While I couldn’t expect to make my living as a musician for a while, I turned to other skills for income and began lovingly retraining my brain.  At first, crosswords were like Greek to me but I conistently applied myself to working them in order to cause my mental synapses to fire; everyday, I turned my attention to redeveloping my musical abilities, whether it was singing, playing the piano, or playing the marimba; everyday, I apply new patience to working out mathmatical problems, and find creative ways of enticing both hemispheres of my brain to remember, to use unused cells, and develop new neuro-pathways. [for more on how the brain works, read Jill Bolte Taylor's book, Stroke of Insight. www.mystrokeofinsight.com]

My result thusfar, of not declaring musical bankruptcy or wallowing in despair over losing a lifetime of personal and financial investment?  In the process of renewing my musical abilities, hiking and climbing have provided strength and coordination; in learning to ride and care for horses–I’ve developed relationships with these creatures who always daunted me before; writing and blogging provide hours of entertainment, pleasure and income; nature has revitalized my senses and my joy; AND I’ve developed the ability to accompany my singing on the marimba!  A small trio wanting to be a quartet heard my voice and invited me to join their ranks.  Needing some way to learn the music, I picked up my mallets and began picking out the tune and in a few days, I was singing and playing a simple melody.  While no one would pay to hear me, this progress is priceless to me and I’ve found a group of musicians that I actually add to!

How much I’ll ever regain?  Unknown.  How much I’ve gained?  Immeasurable.  How much is yet to come?  Infinite possibilities. 

If I had declared myself musically broke or broken, I would have deprived myself of untold opportunities to experience love, music, life, people, nature, animals and even myself in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, in the most unexpected ways~~that were just the “deposit” that my broken heart and life needed to get back in the black.  Instead of getting smaller, my life is greatly enlarged.

No deposits, no withdrawals can be made on an account that’s been closed.~~A.

A spoon never tastes the soup…and we can miss out on tasting life if we don’t become porous…[Dr. Jim Rigby in http://itsawonderfulife.wordpress.com As Great As We Are...God Loves Other People Too!]

When we’re broken, to declare “bankruptcy” closes our account.  While no withdrawals can be made, neither can deposits be applied or interest earned.  Being broken calls us to enormous courage that begins simply, with the willingness to have courage…to take the very next breath, the very next thought and the very next step. {for more on willingness, read Carol Creel’s stories at www.lifeworks-marketing.com] 

If you’re a soul feeling broken beyond repair, I hope that in this, you find the encouragement to be willing to keep some little part of your empty, broken heart open to being repaired and refilled.  Especially when you feel that you have nothing to give, find something that you can give, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, knowing that in your willingness, in your giving, you’ll find the courage and you’ll find the gift.~~Ashtora, 2008

[for more on hope and healing read Anna Miller's book, Mania.  Madness. Miracles. www.thedepressionproject.com]

[for more on love and wisdom, listen to Dr. Jim Rigby's podcasts from www.staopen.com]

‘Mr. Monkey’, ‘Ms. Hortence’, ‘Mr. Bunny’ and Other Puppet Friends Downsize Heady Sermons for Children of Austin’s Wells Branch Church

“Hello, Girls and Boys,”  “Hello, Everybody,” Hortence the horse puppet (Marilyn Rucker), in her high lyrical voice greets the congregation, young and old, of St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, in Austin, TX’s northern Wells Branch community.  Three master puppeteers interact with additional puppet friends, using engaging dialogue that conveys deep messages of how we can live in ways that bring God’s love, justice and mercy to our families, our communities, and our planet.  Both children and adults gain a simpler version of the sermon teaching to come.  Puppet conversations range from the whimsically humorous to the wildly hysterical–prefacing the Rev. Dr. Jim Rigby’s lessons with laughter and tears.  What a wonderful way to open the hearts of those about to embark on sacred ground.  Thank you, St. Andrew’s for the gift of loving, powerful entertainment that teaches us how to live.–Ash

Musical Contemplation on Love

Many eons and
Many Ages
We have shared, butWe are here.

Does it matter
How long ago
You and I began

 

We are here and now.

Does it matter
How or where
We first met 

We are here and now, somehow.

If we recognize
The familiar
In the other 

We are.

If the moments
And the footsteps
Of our journey 

We are.

Are more precious
Together
Than apart 

We are we.

Must the beginning
Or the ending
Of our Infinite existence 

We are.

Need Ever
Become more
Or less Clear 

We.You and me.

 

 

Ashtora, 2007
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Tiny Signals–or ‘cell’-ular communication

Is there anything
So essential
As the tiny signals sent
From one cell to another
Acknowledging
That all is well
Or, that something yet
Is lacking
Or, to simply
Indicate
That now
Is the time
To breathe?
Ashtora, 2007

WADO–Cherokee for Gratitude

Life continually beckons us to consciousness, to awareness of the allness within.  We are no thing, we are all things.  Welcome Being.  Wado.–Ashtora 2008

Finding the Eternal in the Temporal or The Empty Vessel Never Filled

\”The Empty Vessel Never Filled,\” by Dr. Jim Rigby

I promised you pages on the people, places, things, and experiences that have made my life wonderful; so, may I start at the TOP?   Here’s Dr. Jim Rigby of Austin, Texas, teaching on what he calls, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled,”  but I call it, “Finding the Eternal in the Temporal.” 

[Look for the word "Comments" below, at the end of the tag word list.  Click on this in order to post your comment on this podcast or blog.]

In this, his most recent scholarly teaching, Rigby addresses a distinguished audience of Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Pantheists, Buddhists, Taoists, and people of just about any race, creed, political, religious or anti-religious perspective.  Worth bearing in mind, perhaps, is the fact that this audience gathered and assembled themselves in a small building on the corner property of Wells Branch and Wells Port, called St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, located in the Wells Branch suburb of Austin, TX,  where the oft controversial justice advocate, Dr. Rigby has taught for more than twenty years, specifically to hear the Reverend Dr. Jim Rigby eloquently expound on his topic of choice.

Though brilliant, his teachings have brought him oftentimes, harsh criticism from theologians, traditional religious figures, the Presbyterian Synod, Mission Presbytery, legal zealots, anti-gay activists and even members and former members of the church itself. 

In this particular podcast, Jim dares to illumine Christian text with Taoist teachings, merging texts into one message that has the power to continuously inform and transform our lives, providing the richness and presentness one might not hear elsewhere, from more conventional theologians.  The podcast begins with a reader citing text from Christian scripture, then Dr. Rigby, with the skill of an Artisan, weaves in Tao text, stories, humor, Science, history, metaphors and rich poetry.  The result may provide just what you need to hear in order to heal that certain hurting aspect of your life that has kept you from getting past the losses and changes you’ve experienced:

http://www.staopen.com/podcast/index.php  or http://www.staopen.com/podcast/Rigby_0810.mp3

To hear Jim’s unique perspective and perhaps find the answers to such questions as, “What is Eternity?” and “Why should we not worry?” click and play the above podcast link or choose from the index of topics, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled.”  Especially listen for sandcastles, bubbles, and Edgar Allan Poe’s, “Dream Within A Dream.”  Your comments are invited.  I look forward to hearing from you.–It’s a Wonder-ful Life!  Ash

Finding the Eternal in the Temporal or The Empty Vessel Never Filled

\”The Empty Vessel Never Filled,\” by Dr. Jim Rigby

I promised you pages on the people, places, things, and experiences that have made my life wonderful; so, may I start at the TOP?   Here’s Dr. Jim Rigby of Austin, Texas, teaching on what he calls, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled,”  but I call it, “Finding the Eternal in the Temporal.” 

This podcast is his most recent scholarly presentation, given live before a mixed audience of Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Pantheists, Buddhists, Taoists, and persons of just about any religious or anti-religious perspective.  Worth bearing in mind, perhaps, is the fact that his audience assembled themselves in a small building, located in Austin’s northern Wells Branch suburb, called St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, where justice advocate and often controversial Dr. Rigby has taught for more than twenty years, for the specific purpose of hearing him [Reverend Dr. Jim Rigby] speak his mind on his topic of choice.

His teachings have oftentimes ignited harsh criticism from theologians, traditional religious figures, the Presbyterian Synod, Mission Presbytery, legal zealots, anti-gay activists and even members and former members of the church itself. 

In this particular podcast, Jim dares to merge Taoist teachings with Christian teachings into one that has the power to continuously inform and transform our lives, providing richness and presentness:

http://www.staopen.com/podcast/index.php

To hear Dr. Rigby’s views on Taoism and Christianity, click on the above podcast link and choose from the index of topics, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled.”  Your comments are invited.  I look forward to hearing from you.–It’s a Wonder-ful Life!  Ash

Finding the Eternal in the Temporal or The Empty Vessel Never Filled

\”The Empty Vessel Never Filled,\” by Dr. Jim Rigby

I promised you pages on the people, places, things, and experiences that have made my life wonderful; so, may I start at the TOP?   Here’s Dr. Jim Rigby of Austin, Texas, teaching on what he calls, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled,”  but I call it, “Finding the Eternal in the Temporal.” 

In order to post your comments on this blog or Dr. Rigby’s podcast, scroll down to the end of this blog, find the word “Comment” at the end.  Clicking on the word “Comment” will allow you to post your thoughts.

In this, his most recent scholarly presentation, given live before a distinguished audience of Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Pantheists, Buddhists, Taoists, and persons of just about any religious or anti-religious perspective, Dr. Rigby strives to illumine Christian text with Taoist teaching.  Worth bearing in mind, perhaps, is the fact that his audience assembled themselves in a small building, called St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church,located in Austin’s northern Wells Branch suburb,  where justice advocate and often controversial Dr. Rigby has taught for more than twenty years, for the specific purpose of hearing him [Reverend Dr. Jim Rigby] speak his mind on his topic of choice.

Though brilliant, his views and teachings have oftentimes ignited harsh criticism from theologians, traditional religious figures, the Presbyterian Synod, Mission Presbytery, legal zealots, anti-gay activists and even members and former members of the church itself. 

In this particular podcast, Jim dares to merge Taoist teachings with Christian teachings into one message that has the power to continuously inform and transform our lives, providing richness and presentness.  The podcast begins with a reader citing text from Christian scripture.  When Dr. Rigby addresses his listeners, he brings in Tao text, stories, metaphors and poetry–taking us deeper into the original text than perhaps we’ve ever ventured.  The result may provide just what you need to hear in order to heal that certain hurting aspect of your life that has kept you from getting past the losses and changes you’ve experienced:

http://www.staopen.com/podcast/index.php  or http://www.staopen.com/podcast/Rigby_0810.mp3

To hear Dr. Rigby’s views on Taoism and Christianity, click on the above podcast link and choose from the index of topics, “The Empty Vessel Never Filled.”  Especially listen for sandcastles, bubbles, and Edgar Allan Poe’s, “Dream Within A Dream.”  Your comments are invited.  I look forward to hearing from you.–It’s a Wonder-ful Life!  Ash

WHEN YOU LOVE, YOU’RE A FAR GREATER PERSON

Because I loved you, I became a far greater me.

Loving you gave me the desire to live kindly with generosity toward all I could see;

I aspired to always succeed in ever new endeavors, to exceed all past success;

It was so important that my life earned your trust and your respect, without regress;

Never giving you cause to regret loving me, was everything;

Because you made my heart sing.

Because I loved you, I loved more, laughed more, cried more, lived more, worked more;

Beacause I loved you, my day was brighter, I walked lighter; I almost flew;

You made my heart soar.

When you left, I learned to love you still,

What a great gift–overcoming my will.

In loving you still, I learned to surrender my ego.

But when our paths diverged and I had to let you go,

I felt empty and small; it was a crushing blow.

Because I let go of loving you, I forfeited my heart.

I am become a lesser me.

LOVE REALLY IZ IZ!

 

  Meet IZ! I belong to him.  He picked me to be his human companion, five and half years ago, at Buchannan General Store, in Buchannan, Texas.

 I’ll always remember that day.  It was just before Easter that year. My husband, both my daughters, all of my grandchildren, and my brother and his wife from California were all with me in Austin, TX for the Easter Season. Eleven of us caravanned out to Lake Buchannan, where we met Jim Eachus, the owner of the General Store there.

Jim introduced us to IZ , his siblings and his cousins.

Eager to enjoy PUPPYVILLE, we each began meeting the resident inhabitants of Lake Buchannan. As I greeted each precious, fuzzy member of IZ’s canine family (and there were lots of them!), I held them close and nuzzled my nose into their necks, I couldn’t help but notice that IZ, the only one with a pink nose and pink belly, nuzzled me back! His warmth and love “had me at hello.” And, so it was, that IZ chose me, when he was only four weeks old. His brother ALI couldn’t bear to be left behind–choosing to come live with us as well.

Two weeks later,when IZ and Ali came to live with us, my husband and I returned to Lake Buchannan equipped with food, water and a traveling kennel…everything needed to bring IZ and his brother ALI home with us. Even though it was an unseasonably HOT day, we all really needed a “pit stop” to relieve our bladders, so we stopped at a roadside park near a stream with picnic tables and benches.

We poured water into a small bowl made of molded plastic, and set it on the ground for IZ and ALI to drink from. Before IZ took even one drink, he took the dish in his teeth and dragged the bowl beneath the nearest source of shade–a picnic table. There, he and Ali drank every last drop. When the bowl was dry, this six-week old border collie flipped the bowl upside down and began skillfully pushing it with his nose, running the parking lot with it as though he were running a soccer ball across the field toward the goal; thus, providing our first, minuscule glimpse of things to come, our first insight into the intelligence of this miraculous being and how dramatically he would change lives.

At first, ALI went home with my daughter, leaving only IZ to train and raise us as his alone.  IZ could have been described as “easy to train,”but my own personal view is that he was born a master communicator. From the onset, he consistently let us know exactly what he wanted–consistency in return-to be challenged and to always learn something new–IZ loved developing his own “repertoire” of skills he could perform. He wanted fed, he wanted out, he wanted in, he wanted to play ball, wanted more toys, wanted all of his belongings to have individual names, wanted to play hide and go seek, wanted challenges, wanted to be with me and go with me every time the car went, and wanted to go to work with my husband. IZ loved riding up front–or with his head out the window.

He has always enjoyed and loved the “drive-through” experience…greeting the pharmacist or the Starbuck’s baristas or the bank tellers–and gaining their respective rewards.

He made friends with everyone. The unrestrained enthusiasm and joy IZ expressed with finding his “snaky baby” or his “ball” or “mommy’s shoes” or “daddy’s keys” or bringing “the stick” brought sunlight into every moment of my life. Today, he still comes running, tail up, ears flopping like wings, whenever he hears his name called, or the simple, high-pitched, “YIP.” Again, the joy he responded to us with, whenever we understood what he wanted and were able to deliver it, was his SECRET SKILL of intentional, highly-evolved communication. No one could but respond to IZ with the same joy he directed toward each and every one of us. Joy to Joy, Heart to Heart–IZ courageously lives and breathes these qualities with every breath and every pant.

His powers of recovery have been demonstrated over and over again throughout the five years we’ve spent together thus far. When he hit a car while trying to meet a neighbor’s cat, he yelped, ran back into the yard where he layed down for about 20 minutes before leaping up as though nothing had happened. When he fell down a fifty-foot mine shaft in New Mexico, he lay motionless in the blackness of the interior for four and a half hours (4 1/2) while we found a rock climber to descend down the hole, scoop IZ up in a canvas duffle bag and bring him back to the surface. He was one happy border collie, rejoining us and the light of day. His courage has never wavered; not even when he was bitten by the rattlesnake IZ mistakenly greeted. Bleeding profusely, muscles failing him, he kept his eyes fixed on mine, with his Spirit shouting, “I love you too much to leave you–I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna make it!”

It took IZ a year to recover from the bite. For a year, he couldn’t open his mouth wide enough catch his precious balls, yet his efforts were relentless until he did indeed, finally regain his abilities. The left side of his head remains concave, reminding us of his gallant spirit in the face of adverse circumstances.

IZ came into this world with his own remarkable genius, his own indominatable spirit, his own gregarious personality, generously, unabashedly sharing his love, sharing his tennis balls and frizbees with everyone he meets, while at the same time, remaining quick to join you in your game, idea or activity–always alert, always ready, always willing. He’s taught me and everyone he encounters how to love, how to live in and from our hearts, how to experience pure, unadulterated joy.

I’m so very grateful for the many gifts that IZ is and has brought to my life and this world as it comes to him. He’s truly been a great gift to the humanity that have been fortunate enough to make his acquaintance. ALI later rejoined us, and became a vital part of our lives, but it has been IZ who taught me more about what LOVE IZ and LOVE IZ NOT, than anyone or anything in the whole of my experience. 

When my husband and I went our separate ways, we were both very grateful that we had two border collies.  Ali went with my husband and IZ remains with me…my constant joy, friend and companion.

 

 

IZ PICKED ME!