Emotional Bankruptcy~~Eclipse of the Heart~~How to Recover

Have you ever declared emotional bankruptcy?

Have you ever known someone whose cynicism caused them to claim total eclipse of the heart?

Without a doubt, we can crash our heart on life’s curves, and repairs can take some time, but to become permanently emotionally unavailable, to proclaim, “I’m broke,” or “I’m broken,” deprives us of opportunities to experience love in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, from the most unexpected sources~~that may be just the “deposit of love” that our broken hearts needed to get back in the black.

With your patience, I’d like to offer this autobiographical situation as an illustration:

A few months ago, while driving my car through an intersection, another driver ignored the traffic signals and drover right into me, causing my neck to whip right and then left, bashing the left side of my head on my car’s door frame.  A concussion resulted, effecting my hard earned mathmatical skills and my lifetime of musicianship.  Soon after the accident, I discovered that I could no longer perform simple math, much less advanced algebra.  An even more devastating moment occured when I sat down at the piano to read a new piece of music and found that music was now a foreign language to me.  When I tried to execute compositions I had been playing for longer than memory served–that my fingers had known on their own, I learned that even the memory of my fingers had been damaged.  Music had been ninety percent of my life since I was a toddler, and my livelihood since age twelve.

While I couldn’t expect to make my living as a musician for a while, I turned to other skills for income and began lovingly retraining my brain.  At first, crosswords were like Greek to me but I conistently applied myself to working them in order to cause my mental synapses to fire; everyday, I turned my attention to redeveloping my musical abilities, whether it was singing, playing the piano, or playing the marimba; everyday, I apply new patience to working out mathmatical problems, and find creative ways of enticing both hemispheres of my brain to remember, to use unused cells, and develop new neuro-pathways. [for more on how the brain works, read Jill Bolte Taylor's book, Stroke of Insight. www.mystrokeofinsight.com]

My result thusfar, of not declaring musical bankruptcy or wallowing in despair over losing a lifetime of personal and financial investment?  In the process of renewing my musical abilities, hiking and climbing have provided strength and coordination; in learning to ride and care for horses–I’ve developed relationships with these creatures who always daunted me before; writing and blogging provide hours of entertainment, pleasure and income; nature has revitalized my senses and my joy; AND I’ve developed the ability to accompany my singing on the marimba!  A small trio wanting to be a quartet heard my voice and invited me to join their ranks.  Needing some way to learn the music, I picked up my mallets and began picking out the tune and in a few days, I was singing and playing a simple melody.  While no one would pay to hear me, this progress is priceless to me and I’ve found a group of musicians that I actually add to!

How much I’ll ever regain?  Unknown.  How much I’ve gained?  Immeasurable.  How much is yet to come?  Infinite possibilities. 

If I had declared myself musically broke or broken, I would have deprived myself of untold opportunities to experience love, music, life, people, nature, animals and even myself in new, delightful, fulfilling ways and forms, in the most unexpected ways~~that were just the “deposit” that my broken heart and life needed to get back in the black.  Instead of getting smaller, my life is greatly enlarged.

No deposits, no withdrawals can be made on an account that’s been closed.~~A.

A spoon never tastes the soup…and we can miss out on tasting life if we don’t become porous…[Dr. Jim Rigby in http://itsawonderfulife.wordpress.com As Great As We Are...God Loves Other People Too!]

When we’re broken, to declare “bankruptcy” closes our account.  While no withdrawals can be made, neither can deposits be applied or interest earned.  Being broken calls us to enormous courage that begins simply, with the willingness to have courage…to take the very next breath, the very next thought and the very next step. {for more on willingness, read Carol Creel’s stories at www.lifeworks-marketing.com] 

If you’re a soul feeling broken beyond repair, I hope that in this, you find the encouragement to be willing to keep some little part of your empty, broken heart open to being repaired and refilled.  Especially when you feel that you have nothing to give, find something that you can give, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, knowing that in your willingness, in your giving, you’ll find the courage and you’ll find the gift.~~Ashtora, 2008

[for more on hope and healing read Anna Miller's book, Mania.  Madness. Miracles. www.thedepressionproject.com]

[for more on love and wisdom, listen to Dr. Jim Rigby's podcasts from www.staopen.com]

[for more on where I reconnected with nature and horses, visit www.lakeroberts.com]

Little Love Notes, “Make Me A Cake.”

Some of the most tender moments of the heart can produce the most meaningful love notes.  One recently shared with me, from a wife and mother of six to her husband, follows:

I THINK IT’S TIME YOU LEARN TO USE THE COMPUTER AND WRITE ME LITTLE NOTES AGAIN.
I MISS YOU. THIS FAMILY IS MY ENTIRE WORLD AND I WOULD NOT BE WHOLE WITH OUT EVERY MEMBER ACCOUNTED FOR. I LOVE YOU AND ALL OUR CHILDREN AND I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH YOUR PAST RUBBS ME WRONG, I KNOW EVERY BIT OF YOUR PAST CREATED YOUR PRESENT! TRY TO EAT THE INGREDIENTS TO THE CAKE WITH OUT MIXING THEM. YOU HAD TO HAVE A FEW RAW EGGS AND SOME BAKING POWDER. TRY EATING THOSE ALONE… YUCK! BUT IF YOU MIX IT ALL UP AND COOK IT A BIT THEN YOU HAVE A YUMMY CAKE. SO MAYBE I DON’T LIKE ALL THE PARTS IT TOOK TO MAKE YOU, BUT MIXED UP AND COOKED YOU SURE ARE YUMMY!!!!! OH YA AND ADD FROSTING TO THAT… SINFUL!

XOXOXO

I Would Just Like To Know, Why Are We Fighting American VS. American? or Who Let The Dogs Out?

When did we forget that we are not waging war against each other, American Citizen against American Citizen, or even human AGAINST human?  What happened to fighting on behalf of all Humanity…on behalf of our entire planet and beyond?~~Ash

Do Neither Palin OR McCain Have a Clue What’s In Store?

News Flash:  The challenges of raising a child with Down Syndrome require a LOT more than seeing him as a “blessing.”  Yes, he IS a blessing, and raising him will push your limits beyond anything you can comprehend, stretching you in ways you’ve never yet conceived.  As the Palin family, though in government, you will not be immune to needing the support of family, friends, neighbors, community, teachers, counselors, doctors, lawyers and each other. 

Your challenges have not even yet begun.  Participating in this political arena will only delay the realities you and your family have to face.

In twenty years, you’ll be sixty-four and making decisions regarding Trig’s living arrangements.  Applying for guardianship, so you can determine where he will live; you’d be wise to put his name on the waiting list for group homes now.  The waiting list is that long.  This is fast forward though.  In the meantime, you’ll need to equip yourselves with new skills, new knowledge, new patience…you’ll need more patience than ten Jobs.

All the best.  You’ll need it when you come back from your escape from reality.

Question: Mat-Su Regional Medical Center Named as Birthplace of Trig Paxson Van Palin

Palins’ child diagnosed with Down syndrome (04/22/08)

FAMILY FEELS BLESSED: Back at work already, governor says she wasn’t in labor in Texas.

By LISA DEMER
ldemer@adn.com

Published: April 22nd, 2008 01:11 AM
Last Modified: April 22nd, 2008 07:49 PM

http://www.adn.com/626/story/382864.html

Lisa Demer ldemer@adn.com, writes an informative article in Anchorage Daily News regarding baby Palin being diagnosed with Down Syndrome and naming Mat-Su Regional Medical Center, between Palmer and Wasilla, Alaska, as birthplace of Trig Paxson Van Palin, Sarah’s purported fifth child, doesn’t list Trig as having been born there.  Why?  Is truth such a hard thing?   If this is an elaborate cover-up over the birth of a child, what won’t the McCain/Palin ticket hide?  Surely we have to override the Republican political machine, America.